Product Manager Parenting & Parenting Approaches: Parenting through the lens of being a ‘Product Manager’.
Hi all,
Something a little different again and then back to normal programming.
What this blog contains:
Parenting through the lens of being a ‘Product Manager’:
Can you have definitions for parentings?
Australian Early Development Census thoughts on what makes a good foundation for children starting school.
V1 thoughts on how parents can help school aged children.
Parenting Approaches:
Western parenting in the 1950s, 1980s and 2020s.
Eastern vs Western Parenting today.
Traditional vs Progressive Education approaches.
Comment:
People might prefer to skip the section on ‘Product Manager Parenting’ and go straight to ‘Parenting Approaches’.
Parenting through the lens of being a ‘Product Manager’
I was speaking with a friend about parenting over the New Year period and we decided as a thought experiment to look at parenting a child, as one might try and look at being a Product Manager for a product.
Below are some thoughts.
To be clear, I do NOT think one should think of parenting as being a Product Manager, however hopefully there is something thought provoking here.
Can you have a definition / destination / North Star for parenting?
Without ‘north’ any direction is progress.
“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.” - Thomas Sowell
One definition of parenting I like: Parenting is providing your children with the foundation so they can do anything, not telling them what to do.
If half the foundation is rocky (eg I was strong at maths / science and weak at english / humanities so I never considered things like media, journalism, law, etc) then your children have a smaller possibility set.
I think most of the time for children before 10 years old should be play, but not all the time.
The AEDC (Australian Early Development Census) thoughts on a destination for ~5 year olds:
The AEDC is a census done at the start of schooling (ie foundation / prep / roughly 5 year olds).
These are the 5 areas the AEDC think are important for children to have a good start at school (ie the AEDC view on the destination you hope to have a child at when they start school).
Summary of the 5 areas:
The AEDC suggests you want to have children ‘developmentally on track’ in all 5 areas.
Find the full AEDC report here if you would like more.
A possible set of areas important for school aged children (ages ~6-18)
My friend has children in Primary School so we tried to generalise a list of areas like the AEDC for the start of school, but for school age children.
“The only constant is change.” These are some very initial thoughts on what good parenting for a child aged 6-18 could be, I expect my thoughts to change significantly.
I found the exercise thought provoking so thought I’d share.
A good teacher makes a massive difference to the learning outcomes of a student.
On average a student is meant to have 1 year’s growth in one year.
Studies show that a good teacher delivers 1.5 years growth in one year, an average teacher 1.0 years growth in one year, and a poor teacher 0.5 years growth in one year.
A good parent can make a massive difference to the life outcomes of a child.
Initial Good Parenting Equation for secondary school aged child (sure to change) =
1. Has a good relationship with self (eg resilience, gratitude, ability to deal with stress, can relax, worth ethic, etc)
+ 2. Has good friendships (eg best friend and other friends)
+ 3. Top 20% of their class academically
+ 4. Strong general knowledge (interested in the world, knowledge curriculum)
+ 5. Succeeding at debating (after a school starts offering it, this might seem strange but it means interest in the broader world, ability to see multiple sides to an issue and to argue what you are asked to, not what you believe, etc)
+ 6. Doing well in one team sport (vs individual sport) that is brain based (vs brawn based).
Things I feel are less important (not saying there isn’t value to these areas, just that it’s lower value than the 6 points above): Music, Drama, Learning a second language, Model UN etc.
Also, the areas above are in some rough order of importance.
Comment
Most parents do extracurriculars for their kids. Eg Sports, Music.
Friends: I’d consider the most important ‘extracurricular’ being ‘friends’.
Parents can help foster friendships by doing things as simple as dropping your child off at a friend's house or taking them to the beach.
Academics: I’d personally have academics as an ‘extracurricular’ from the start of school.
Ability = 1. Quantity * 2. Quality.
Be this in academics, sport, maths, friendships, etc.
If you want to be better than average, normally you have to do more ‘1. Quantity’ than average. Want to be good at maths? Do more quantity than average. Want to be good at soccer? Do more soccer training than average.
I’d personally do 1 hour per week ‘extracurricular’ academics from the start of school. There are quality tuition centres in most places.
The Matthew Effect - Something well observed in education.
Normally once kids are in the top 20%, they stay in the top 20%.
So to me it makes sense to do the work to help your children excel academically more in Year 1 than in Year 10, as the gap to catch up is typically much bigger in Year 10.
Once children are in the top 20% normally parents can ‘relax’ / be more less proactive.
Having said this, I’d still be doing an extracurricular of ‘academics’ from the start of school. IE even if your child is in the top 20% academically of all areas that doesn’t mean you stop.
Sports: I’d be doing a team (not individual) and brain (not brawn) on top of school from the start of school.
Example of team and brain sports: Soccer, Netball.
Example of individual and brawn sports: swimming, athletics.
Teams sports normally mean kids have more friends and also learn to work with others.
Brain sports normally help kids learn they can level up if they develop / are taught effective strategies. This is similar to how one levels up in academics like maths, science and humanities through applying new strategies.
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Addendum
Where all this started was talking with my friend about how Western parenting has changed over generations and Eastern vs Western parenting. We both grew up in predominantly western households.
Most people take the existing orthodoxy and implement it without really considering alternatives. Trying to decipher if parenting had improved or not over the generations, and eastern vs western parenting strengths / weaknesses led us into trying to make ‘equations’ to compare different approaches and ‘thinking about parenting through the lens of a Product Manager’.
Thoughts on how Western parenting has changed over time.
1. Discipline:
1950s: Generally strict, with corporal punishment more accepted.
1980s: Moving towards less physical discipline, with time-outs becoming more common.
2020s: Emphasis on positive discipline, understanding child psychology, and avoiding physical punishment.
2. Education:
1950s: Education was more formal, with a strong focus on foundational skills and respect for authority.
1980s: Increasing emphasis on holistic education, including personal development and extracurricular activities.
2020s: Focus on technology literacy, critical thinking, and personalized learning paths; homeschooling and alternative education models gain popularity.
3. Gender Roles:
1950s: Traditional gender roles were predominant, influencing how children were raised and what was expected of them.
1980s: Beginning to challenge traditional gender roles, with more encouragement for girls to pursue careers and boys to express emotions.
2020s: Greater acceptance of diverse gender identities and roles, with emphasis on gender-neutral parenting.
4. Technology and Media:
1950s: Limited impact, with radio and early television being the main technologies.
1980s: Growing influence of television, video games, and early personal computers.2020s: Digital natives; heavy influence of the internet, social media, smartphones, and varied digital platforms.
5. Parental Involvement:
1950s: More authoritative parenting with less involvement in children’s play and exploration.
1980s: Increasing parental involvement, with a shift towards more nurturing and supportive roles.
2020s: Very high involvement in all aspects of children’s lives, often termed as "helicopter" or "lawnmower" parenting.
6. Work-Life Balance:
1950s: Clearer division between work and home life, with many families having a single breadwinner.
1980s: Increasing number of dual-income families, with growing conversations about work-life balance.
2020s: High focus on work-life balance, with remote work and flexible schedules becoming more common.
7. Child Safety and Independence:
1950s: Children often had more freedom to roam and play unsupervised.
1980s: Growing concerns about safety, leading to more supervision.
2020s: Highly protective approaches, with significant supervision and safety measures.
8. Health and Nutrition:
1950s: Basic focus on nutrition, less awareness of childhood obesity.
1980s: Growing awareness of healthy eating, but also the beginning of fast-food culture.
2020s: High awareness of healthy, organic, and specialized diets; concern about obesity and mental health.
9. Social and Environmental Awareness:
1950s: Limited focus on teaching social responsibility or environmental issues.
1980s: Beginning of environmental awareness and social consciousness.
2020s: Strong emphasis on social justice, environmentalism, and teaching children about global issues.
10. Mental Health Awareness:
1950s: Limited recognition or discussion of children’s mental health issues.
1980s: Growing awareness, but still many stigmas attached.
2020s: High awareness and prioritization of mental health, with efforts to destigmatize mental health issues.
East vs Western Parenting (with the help of ChatGPT)
Comparing and contrasting Eastern and Western parenting involves understanding broad cultural trends and generalisations. It's important to remember that parenting styles within any culture can vary greatly and are influenced by individual beliefs, socioeconomic factors, and personal experiences.
1. Discipline:
Eastern: Discipline is generally more strict, with a greater emphasis on obedience and conformity to family and societal expectations.
Western: Discipline may be more flexible, focusing on reasoning with the child and understanding their perspective.
FYI I think the positive sum blend of the two perspectives is often best. As with ‘Parenting Styles’.
2. Education Focus:
Eastern: There's often a strong emphasis on academic achievement, discipline, and respect for authority.
Western: Education may be more balanced with extracurricular activities, encouraging creativity and individual interests.
3. Independence:
Eastern: Independence is encouraged later, often after foundational values and behaviors are instilled.
Western: There's a strong emphasis on fostering independence from an early age, including encouraging children to make their own choices.
4. Family Structure:
Eastern: A greater emphasis on extended family, with respect for elders and filial piety being central values.
Western: A focus on the nuclear family, with a more egalitarian approach to family roles.
5. Emotional Openness:
Eastern: Emotional restraint is often valued, with less open verbal expression of love and affection.
Western: There's generally more open expression of emotions and affection, both verbally and physically.
6. Decision Making:
Eastern: Parents often make key decisions for their children, even into their adult lives.
Western: Children are encouraged to participate in decision-making processes, even from a young age.
7. Risk and Failure:
Eastern: There can be a high aversion to risk and failure, with a focus on avoiding loss of face and maintaining honor.
Western: Risk-taking is often encouraged as a part of learning, and failure can be seen as an opportunity for growth.
8. Socialization Goals:
Eastern: Socialization often focuses on community harmony, collectivism, and fulfilling societal roles.
Western: There is a greater emphasis on individualism, personal achievement, and self-expression.
9. Communication Style:
Eastern: Indirect communication is common, emphasizing non-verbal cues and reading between the lines.
Western: Direct communication is encouraged, with an emphasis on clear and open verbal expression.
10. Problem Solving:
Eastern: Children may be guided to think about the group and seek harmony in solutions.
Western: Children are often encouraged to be assertive, think independently, and challenge norms.
These comparisons are generalizations and don't apply uniformly across all families in either culture. Globalization and cultural exchange are increasingly blurring these distinctions, leading to more hybrid forms of parenting worldwide.
Traditional vs Progressive Education (with the help of ChatGPT).
It should be noted I see the weight of academic results for secondary schools being heavily towards Traditional Education providing better education outcomes and Progressive Education. I think you can draw parallels between parenting styles and education styles.
Philosophy and Goals:
Traditional Education:
Focuses on basic skills, discipline, and structured learning.
Aims to transmit cultural heritage and established knowledge.
Teacher-centered: Teachers are the primary source of knowledge.
Progressive Education:
Focuses on developing students' interests and learning through experiences.
Aims to foster independent thinking and social responsibility.
Student-centered: Education is tailored to the individual needs and abilities of students.
Teaching Methods:
Traditional Education:
Direct instruction (I do, we do, you do).
Standardized testing is a common measure of student performance.
Classroom environment is orderly and controlled.
Progressive Education:
Inquiry based learning (students given a problem to figure out)
Hands-on learning and projects.
Assessment through projects, presentations, and group work.
Curriculum:
Traditional Education:
Fixed curriculum with a focus on core subjects like math, science, history, and language arts.
Sequential learning: following a set path of subjects and topics.
Progressive Education:
Flexible and integrated curriculum.
Themes and projects that connect different subjects.
Learning is often interdisciplinary.
Role of Students and Teachers:
Traditional Education:
Teachers direct the learning process and maintain authority. “Sage on the stage.”
Progressive Education:
Teachers act as guides or facilitators, helping students to explore and discover. “Guide on the side.”
Classroom Environment:
Traditional Education:
Desks often arranged in rows, facing the teacher.
Emphasis on order and routine. Traditional discipline.
Progressive Education:
Flexible seating arrangements to facilitate group work and discussion.
Emphasis on a stimulating and dynamic environment.
Restorative justice.
If you only take away one thing.
I think one should aim to be a good parent.
Hopefully the comments above provide fodder for what this could mean for you.